BAD AS IT IS!

I was there, knocking at the door to my boss' main house. I forgot a door bell exists. Standing there frantically calling Amanda's name, i could hear some movements in the house and i knew she was there. Then when i was almost giving up i heard the door knob click. The door swang open and there she was, standing in her bath rob, hair dripping wet like she was soaked in the bathtab. She looked beautiful as ever and i wanted to jump on her and just do bad things to her, but the suspense that was there was too visible that i could not attempt doing that, so we stared at each other and i did not know what to say.
"Please come in." she said, i tumbled a bit on the stares and she giggled, and then i felt things were not as bad as i thought. Well, I was in the house already, watching her walk to her room, I wanted to follow her, but i felt it was too much of a hustle so I sat on the couch that was next to the stares to the first floor of the house. i stared at her as she disappeared in her room. A few minutes later she came back mumbling something and shouted " What are you still doing down there, why dont you come up?" Ok now this was my chance to pour my heart out to her.

As I entered her bedroom, her gown as down on the floor, she was naked on her bed, pretending to apply some lotion on her body, then she gives me the bottle and without a word she lies on her stomach, I did not know what to do with the bottle on my hand. did she want me to shove it up her A***? Well, i did what came to my mind second, Put some of the content on my palm and went on top of her, legs astride across her buttocks and i started to apply the lotion on her back. Her soft skin lost me, I imagined doing some bad things to her, bad things that made women follow me to my house, whether drunk or not, bad things that make these women fight for me, bad things that made women want to call me in the middle of the night when am doing bad things to another woman, but this woman was special and if I could do those things to her then those bad things would be bad in a special way.

i cannot tell what happened during my expedition through her back, i saw her turn to me and pulled me towards her, she started kissing me and i was all over her, I was doing those bad things to her that are too special for me to show off. My head was spinning as my beast was coming out to her, she was screaming my name over and over and over until that things happened. Some hot gash of air was splashed over my face...O gOsH!!!!! ! I wanted more of that, as I was coming to, I was welcomed with a very hard slap on my face and she asked me to leave her bedroom!!!!

I was thrown out like a mad dog, tumbling down the stares, when i got to the couch, she was behind me, throwing my jacket to me, and next was my bag, opened the door and shouted to me. I did not want to be embarrassed, i ran out of the door, took the next taxi and went home.

I did not try to call her, even though I wanted to.

FINDING ME

There are things that we do not knowing people are actually watching every move. It has been 3 days since my soap opera ish drama and i am stil wishing the earth that never gets full would add me to its ingredients and just swallow me. So i walk into the office this fine monday. My eyes red as pepper from my inhouse indulgence. I have not even settled and my boss calls me to his office, i always know her greetings... Ray, have a seat... That was her way of saying that i have an appointment for you. This day it was different.
"Ray, how was your weekend?" She had this stupid grin on her face. I thought i heard her speak in greek! So i played dumb and just looked at her, actually i was staring at her. My eyes thought it is her i was staring at.
"Ray, i am up here. Please have a seat!"
That was a nice bust yaani! I got this dumb feeling in stomach and stupid in my head. As you know i am very soft spoken, i look all tough and strong but deep down i am not. So i sat down waiting for what was going to be my appointment.
"So Ray," she managed to get me off my zone. " what is this hulabaloo with Anna?"
I did not know what to say. I just nodded my head and cleared my throat.
"My daughter and i are not talking. So i need to give me info."
"I dont know what you are talking about." I mummered
I zoned out again and I just saw her lips move without hearing a word she was saying. My mind swayed away to the event of the weekend and really thought heard of what happened between Anna and I. How did she find out about my sexuality and who gave her info about me banging women. I thought maybe she saw me or heard noises emanating from my bedroom of the women i took home during my many escapades with her to which she used my couch. Maybe one of these nights are the nights that I banged her, or not.
When I came to, from my Zone out, i felt sick, and only heard of her last word. "You," I did not know what the hell she said. she stood up from her seat and moved closer to me and sat on the table facing me.
"Ray, I have always know there is something about you that has been drawing closer to you, and this attraction that I feel for you is just too much, and I realised how much I like you, the other day."
I looked at her in dismay and excused myself and without a word left her office and went to my desk. I wanted to call Anna and just talk to her. I realized I wanted her, I liked her more than anything. All this time i knew Anna, I was apparently hurting her. I just wanted to talk to her.

LONELY NIGHTS

Amanda was happily married to Gabriel and had a very beautiful daughter, Anna. Things were perfect when Anna was still a toddler, happy people, smiley faces, perfect family it was. Amanda could not wish for more. 23 years later, Anna now 20 and the mum 41 life changed. Gabriel was not home and Anna was always out somewhere with God knows who, with what was going on in her family, she indulged in booze, smokin weed and staying up late. Amanda became so lonely, staying in the big house alone. Spending cold nyts by herslf. Making dinner and serving herself. The lonely nights became too much for her as she was mostly at home alone. For a good night Gabriel would come home but he did not have time for his wife nor his daughter Anna, and if Anna came home, she was mainly licked up in her room doing something on her laptop or listening to music. The good thing about Anna was that she was at the top of her class scoring A's in every subject. Anna was a good girl but what was happenning to her and her family was really bringing her down.

Amanda now a lonely forty something year old woman decided that life began at forty and she was not going to get old in her house without some exitement in her life. She started joining dating sites to find young men who would satisfy her sexually, and for her to spoil. It was an A game for her as actually with her beauty, brains andmoney she got away with anything. What Amanda did not know was that her daughter was my drinking mate, and what they both did not know was that I love women, sexually, an I am not a relationship type. I sometimes feel that Anna knows as i get freaky when drunk but since she has never asked me, well, to me she does not know a thing. On the other hand, Alex, my work mate knows. ALex and I have had an encounter before, i used to sleep with his wife, on his bed and it was mostly when he was out of town working and I was letf with the pretty young wife to myself. I knew his schedule, when he leaves and when he is expected home. On the occation of our encounter he was meant to give his wife a suprise, but he got the suprise to himself, coming home unexpectedly, late at night and comes straight to the bedroom to give the wife a suprise sexotime, asnd instead, when he opened the door i was busy going down on his wife, that is the pussy he was meant to be sexercising with, my hands got so cold that and my feet froze, my throat became dry and all i could think was the major fight at that tine and tomorrow at the office. i was suprised when Alex got a major hard on and demanded that we continue, after that turn off I could not so i asked him to give sometime to bring my head together, and I as i waited to, he started getting busy with his wife telling her how he so wanted her more, now that he knows he gets banged by women too. i left that house and left those two love birds to what they do best.
Amanda on the other hand is the director, Windsdale Telecommunication, i was her personal assistant. One evening after work aAmanda called me to his office, the call was quite casual and it being a friday evening most guys had left work early. I love the TGIF at work, we given liberty to leave work an hour early. Alex on the other hand was calling me nonstop and texting me to meet him at his place, Anna, my bosses daughter and drug mate was asking me where the action would be and now my boss is calling me to her office.
"Have a sit Ray," she started, " what are your plans for the evening?" i was just going to answer her honestly when she interrupted me as i sit.
"I want you to drive me somewhere, Its a local club in town and I am meeting someone. i will be wasted by the time I am done so am designating you as my driver."
What? My mind was racing, I am drug addict unlike you, I get wasted more than you do, how do you expect me to drive you home? How do expect me to be sober on a bllody Friday night? Are you serious?
I had no time to say no, she threw the keys to me and asked me to meet her at the parking bay.

On my way out I called Anna and told her that I was driving my boss somewhere so we could do our drinking fest the following day or after i drive my boss back home. So she decides to go ahead with her shool; mates and i would join them later, now that I have a ride. What she did not know is that her mum is my boss, freaky, i know.

We ended up in some club in Westlands, I was thinking, how do I avoid spanking women here in presence of my boss, and how do I take sprite and cigarettes alone. Well it was a something i would try but not promise. So i got off the drivers sit and went round to open for my boss. Then I heard this voice yelling at me....
"Ray, what the hell are you doing? That is my mums car!"
I did not have time to turn and look who it was, too bad for my slow and unreacting ego, by the time I noticed Anna, slaps were hailing on my face and this time my face was red hot. I was going to speak then she cut me short.

"now you fucking my mum too? Ray what is wrong with you, is this the boss you said you driving somewhere, in a club? Are you serious Ray, tell me what was last weekend all about? You want to blame it on the alcohol? Say something Ray."

I am not fucking your mumu, she is meeting someone in here and my work is to drive her home safe, and whatever happened to us last weekend i do not remember, we were both wasted and I wish we could do it sober. I would have said that but what came out of my mouth was "What should I answer first?"

BRING BACK THE MAIL

I have began this tight schedule and at some point i missed writing, this is a coming back post and wanna put a schedule where I shall be writing like I used to.
While writing this, the ghost face of my past is staring at me making me feel quite uncomfortable, feeling the lesbian me getting exposed naked in front of a multi-crowd like i was exposed in the past. The good thing about this is that the feeling is really good as compared to the past and as I look at the ghost face, its really disappointed and I am smiling at it and giving it "that look." I can hear voices in my head singing victory songs as my heart is pounding with excitement upon getting back to my swag. Well sorry Ghost face, that is when Karma gets back at you.

Well, i really hate the thought of people who hurt me in that past but am thankful for them as well since, the hurt that they caused actually brought me blessings and meeting new peoples in return that warm my heart.

It was just the other day (when i say the other day I talk of last year kuendelea), I could have dejavu's of my ex, her face, her voice and all that isht we did and I could get a panic attack, my heart racing at a very high speed, my throat getting chocked for lack of air and my feet trembled to the thought of what we had. Now I am talking of a different story here, I can have those dejavu's of my ex and i ( mind you 4 and a half years is a long time leaving with someone and sharing almost everything) and feel nothing, in fact I thank heavens for the new life bestowed as I fought those ghosts laughing at me for over two years and I never thought it would get to a point that I will be laughing at the ghost face and actually mock it for the pain I went through in the two years of my break up with m ex. I loved this woman with every fiber of my being and the heartbreak was just too much to bare.

Now almost three years down the line, I meet this beautiful woman that my eyes have ever seen and my soul has actually connected with, she brought so much joy into my life that the ghost face felt threatened and started to back off slowly until now, the far it can go is stare at me writing my blog happilly with its tail in between its legs.

I have brought back my voodoo, brought back my mail and now wait to get served. (Remember that story?)

THE YEAR PAST

I count my blessings in the past year
which came after the shading of a tear
eyes swell as my heart cries in pain
but the heartache came with a gain
The year past
counting my blessings

One by one sent from above
a fulfilling year full of love
despite that pain and anguish
that left my heart with blemish
The past year
counting my blessings

For all yot that passed my path
in my head i do the math
in my heart i count them blessings
forever i will keep missing
The past year
counting my blessing

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME

It's December 17, 2010, I wake up with love surrounding me something that happened ages ago on the same date. Well I have many thanks this year, but before that Let me reminisce on my past year. My past year was full of blessings having come from one hell of a dungeon to a haven full of love and care. I should say that I prayed for blessings in 2009, December 17, I may not have received as much as I wanted but the little I got made a big impact om me. If I can count some of the blessings I got, I would start by saying that starting my new year on December 17, 2009 started off with the one blessing that will always be my number one, having family around me to love me and care for me, my Mama and Papa that gave life to me and still love me for me, my sisters that shower me with more blessings my elder brother that I adore so much and who gave me a roof over my head when I did not have one, my younger bother for loving and appreciating me, counting down dates, I met a wonderful woman that turned my life around, showered me with love that no other woman has ever done, loved me for me and for who I am not what I have. And On December 20, 2009, we made it official, following my birthday, I got the love of my life, my partner and lover, the mother of my daughter, the strength of my weakness. Babe I love and will always do, now and forever as we say.

Not forgetting a very beautiful woman and lovely friend that came to me when all those I called friends left me in my time of need, Ruler bender, you know the place u hold in my heart, and those tough times in my life that you made easy, will always count them as big blessings received in my year ended yesterday. And for all the times we have been there for each other, sweetheart you are one in a million and I love you.

The past year is a year that I met the craziest family, a family that will be there anytime you need them, a family that will make you laugh even when your day is down how... Big up girls and Totoz, you make happy and there is nothing more I would wish for than see many new years with you and I love you. Keep them smiley faces up, and the love flowing girls. 

Smart Bravos, my only two brothers that I cherish and Love, I am happy to say that you may not have heard me say this, but you guys made an impact in my life, you made me see life in a different view, and no way i would ask for more with you in my life.

Gashungwa gakwa, we may have had our differences but I thank God for this far He has brought us. Things may not have turned out the way we wanted but thing is, its better of this way and you can concur to that,  I will always love you and be happy to see you happy, and that letter I gave you please do not lose it, I count you as a blessing in my life that I do not want to change. You popped into my life for a reason, God bless and much love.

Lastly I thank God for yet another life, 26 years of life is much blessing and as I start off my new year, I am praying for the best family, HEY TOTOS? WASUP!!!!! the craziest i have that we shall still be there for each other even in our oldage ( but we staying young right? :-) ) I am praying for a family that will still care for me and love me like they do now, especially my loving mother, my loving partner and the best of friends that I have.

LOVE YOU ALL!!!!!!!!!!!

LETTER TO THE PRIME MINISTER

Dear PM,

I hope this letter finds you well and in good health. I should say I am greatly disappointed in you, I voted you in as my leader knowing that my cries would be heard, my way of living would change as I will have better education and my living standards would rise and my countries economy would be one to reckon with.

 Now that you are in power, you are using that power to hurt me and kill my spirits as a Kenyan. What if i was your daughter, would you hide me and still incite my killing? How is that I am breaking the law by hurting now one? What of those bandits who kill with no emotions? What about those that rape our young girls and leave them dead or with a lifetime mystery?

Mr. Prime Minister, don't you think that there is better work for the police other than arresting innocent Kenyans. Why is it you are hiding your own and sacrificing the mouth-less Kenyan? What are you doing to the big bellied Ministers sitting in your house but using young girls sexually? The drug Lords that continue to take down a young Kenyan life for his money? The corruption that sits in your office, and the thieves that continue to steal a tax payers money?

Prime minister, at this point when Kenya believes in Community policing and is struggling to apprehend and try those responsible for inciting ethnic based violence, you are now inciting gender based violence. The call to arrest homosexuals is a call to a never ending war and more blood will be on your head and as a leader you should understand that your followers follow your speech. You do not understand why we love our own and as a responsible leader you should know the cries of your people not try to finish them off because you want more power and you are hiding evil in your house.

My heart cries to your Mr. Prime Minister and if you have some Humanity left in you, you should be able to know the havoc you are causing to your people.

Yours Faithful

Nairobi Lesbian