Thursday, November 29, 2012
This was one of the days I could stay indoors and lock myself inside, either take my glass of whisky and stare blankly at some movie, not knowing what the hell is happening, not even aware of the story line. Well, this day was quiet different, ever since I left Amanda's Company and joined a competitor, I lost contact with her completely, Anna could text me once in a while. The last time we spoke, Anna was dating some butch from her school; I was happy for her but deep inside I felt a certain pain that I guess the reality was kicking in at this moment. I really wished I could hold Anna again, talk to her, look deep in her eyes and tell her something I had never told her before, want to tell her that I loved her and all the shit I did to her is unforgivable but I hope she forgives me. I wanted to look at her beautiful face, see her glowing smile and twinkling eyes. This combination is something I will never erase from my head. This day was a day that I did most of my laundry, ever since I started working, I never did my laundry, I never cooked in my house, always eating out, I never cleaned my house, Hired someone to do all that. I was either too high or too wasted to do all that and my working days were my working days, nothing but work. Once I was done with the clothes and made my late lunch, all I wanted was some soft music as I enjoyed my late lunch. I served a piece of dry fried chicken and spiced rice, I love spices, sat on my couch in devoured the serving on my plate, I love my food hot, spicy hot, so I can do that ‘Ha ha ho ho hu hu’ thing trying to cool down the heat. In the midst of my ‘HU HA HU HU’, ideas started flowing in, I really wanted to write, I could see words (Literally), shooting like shooting stars, I put my food aside, went to my room, picked my laptop and went back to the couch, so as I was writing, I could scoop my food at every break, especially when reading through. I got engrossed in the story, I could not hear my surrounding, then, just then, a felt something vibrate, the first thought that came to my mind was Anna. Anna could turn on the vibrator while I was busy working, on occasions like these, when I became too busy for her, she made sure I would get some time for her. OK, they might be countable times but now I cherish those moments, the sound of the vibrator would turn me on in an instance and I would jump onto the bed and really give it to her good. One thing I always remember about Anna and her craziness was that she could get wet the moment a kissed her. Kissing Anna was the best thing ever happened to me, her soft full lips, her soft hands pulling my short dreadz, back then, yes, short dreadz, I love the her tongue would slowly creep in my mouth and start rolling it inside tickling my throat. I was just coming out of my zone when the vibration stopped, well I shrugged my shoulders and went back to writing. Again the vibrator started again and this time I was so sure it was not in my head, I never keep my toys in the living room so I stood up to see my phone on the TV stand vibrating its way on one end of the stand, well, told you, it was not in my head. I picked the call and I swore I could recognize that voice, I could hear this voice and I was so certain, I knew it. “Hey Ray” said the voice. “Anna!” I exclaimed, she was the only person who knew how to call my name. “I was just checking on you, how you knew it’s me?” she asked “I can never forget that voice, are you Ok” “No am not. I need to see you. How can I see you? You moved out I came looking for you but you weren’t there?” I felt her voice shaking, I felt her cry on the other side, I wanted to rush there and just hug her and talk to her, hold her in my arms and take the pain away. “Where are you right now?” I asked “I am at my girlfriend’s house” ‘Then why the hell are you calling me now after so long?’ I almost said that out aloud but I asked her to meet me up at a club, four blocks away from where I stayed, It was a walking distance and so I left the house when she said she was almost. I carried my laptop to keep me company as I waited. When I got there she had not yet arrived and so I started writing my blog as I puffed my smoke slowly, enjoying the ambience of writing out, taking breaks and looking at the environment as though it was talking to me. There she was, Anna, my Anna, but there was something different, her walking was slow, her eyes were swollen, her soft full lips were swollen and bruised, her face was not the same, she was carrying a back pack and when she saw me she dropped her bad and tried to leap towards me, then I noticed she was in pain. I rushed to her and held her before she fell, took her bag and sat her down next to me. I could see the pain in her eyes, she wanted to cry and at the same time she was holding her tears back. Without a word I paid my bill, took her hand and walked her slowly outside the club. “You never stopped smoking?” she broke the silence in midst of her tears, the tears she was trying to hold back. “There are some habits we do not just stop,” I said with a fake smile. “Then I guess you still the player you were”. I knew where she was going to, “who did this to you?” She did not reply, but instead she broke down and let her tears out. I had never seen Anna cry this much, when I hurt her, I did not see this side of her. I stopped the nearest cab I saw and took her to my house. We said no word to each other, even when we got to the house. It was very sad to see her sad and in pain, I prepared her hot bath, bubbled some mint in it for her to just soak the pain away, I wish there was something I could do. I took her to my room, undressed and her took her to the bathroom, she immersed herself, full body, in the water and when she came back up, she asked me to stay a while. Bad idea, I left the bathroom, locked the main door, went back to the bathroom and locked the door.