Wednesday, October 13, 2010

RULES OF LESBIAN LIVING

Well I am lesbian and identify as a full lesbian. it is sad that whether we like it or not there rules that bind us...u may call them stupid but i do not. i have been thinking for sometime about how we lesbian act and came up with these rules of living as a lesbian.....

1. It is never a good idea to ask someone to marry you BEFORE the first date.

2. The average time between lesbian relationships is MINUS three point seven minutes.

3. "I love you" is NOT a question.

4. The term 'lesbian therapist' is redundant.

5. It's a law. After six months, all lesbian couples will walk alike. After one year, all lesbian couples will be wearing at least one matching item. After ten years, all lesbian couples pronouncing the word "hello" into a telephone will sound indistinguishable (in my case it only took one year and now even my mother can't tell us apart...) After twenty years, all lesbian couples - regrettably - will have the same body.

6. Life is a process. Lesbian life is the process of processing the process.

7. There's no such thing as lesbian divorce. There is only thermonuclear war. And then best friends.

8. "No"and "Ok" are complete sentences.

9. Lesbians don't hate men. You must be thinking of married straight women.

10. Lesbians can be of the same clique, but they are NOT of the same species.

11. If male homosexuals are called "gay," then female homosexuals should be called "ecstatic."

12. It is not against any written lesbian law to wear pantyhose. They just seem silly under your basketball uniform.

13. Put more than two lesbians in a room and it's always a debate.

14. You should not consider yourself lesbian-impaired if you do not own a chainsaw.

15. In the olden days, it was believed there were only seven lesbians in the whole world, and the rest was done with mirrors. We know now there are MILLIONS of lesbians but only seven lesbian HAIRCUTS.

16. The average lesbian date lasts approximately three years.

17. Parents should be reminded, gently and often, that "I love you ANYWAY" is not a compliment.

18. Being politically active and being politically correct are not the same thing.

19. There are only two kinds of lesbians. Those who have been to the African Womyn's Festival. And those who shave their body parts.

20. Serial monogamy is swell until you get tired of the same old serial every morning.

21. The best place to find the role model you're looking for is in the mirror. Sometimes it's the ONLY place.

22. It is nearly impossible for a lesbian to have a best friend she has not been previously married to. Or won't soon be married to.

23. You will never spell women/wimmin/wymin in a manner that will be acceptable to ALL of them.

24. Don't act normal, act normally.

25. We are ten million women waiting for someone else to ask us to dance.

26. It can't be a sin. We are not even IN the Bible.

27. Are there Hetero-sapiens?

28. If you are planning any activity at which you don't want to be interrupted, feed the cat first!


6 comments:

  1. ha ha ha ha!i like
    9,11,17,24 n 26

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  2. Hehehe....me luvs...esp the part that it aint a sin coz we are not even in the bible....lolest!

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  3. I WILL SURELY FEED THE CAT FIRST

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  4. I love lesbians and it's not my fault. Y'all look 'ecstatic' just to use your word

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